We’ve been expected several times over the course of the past three days what we should desire bystanders to-do when we are dropped by authorities and abused. We do not consider the expectations I have of other people whenever they see my entire life fading away. It is easier to prepare my funeral.  I do so often. Lately used keeping my personal air for chunks each time such that it won’t be therefore scary whenever I thought every thing leaking out from my lung area rather than finding its way back. I want trees rooted while I die. Fruit woods, blooming trees. Woods that gave and suffered life. Any version of 11 will serve.  11 woods, 1100 woods, 11,000 trees… adequate to offer and sustain existence on the planet that got my own.

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You will have a list of names and figures I have memorized in case Im caught between law enforcement officials and my life. I will scream them 1 by 1 as I am dying. My Personal
mama
and aunt will line up their particular fighters who can have newly sharpened tools. I will apologize abundantly to my personal girl and spouse for not-being sufficiently strong. To my close friends for maybe not going to. I tried my toughest to pull the funds and methods together. It had been never ever adequate. To my siblings for leaving them before I wanted to. I really hope they always remember they are stronger together.

Making use of the last of my personal energy I will scream that I am
Black
,
Femme
, Womyn,
Mommy
and
Lesbian
. Needs them to rely myself. I want to be under each and every one of the analytical categories that I fit under. I worked the bulk of my life to identify me correctly. In just about every portion of this nation, they box me completely as a result of those extremely identifiers. We question how frequently Ebony and lesbian with each other tend to be tallied. Do they previously get mathematical acknowledgement? Exactly who gets recharged for hate crimes against you? Will I perhaps not deserve as memorialized in the expanding numbers? Are we invisible?

I’ve be prepared for my own personal death. You will find done so more than once over the course of several years. While walking the roadways alone, coming out to everyone (over repeatedly), claiming no to men’s room advances, saying good-bye to overlooked dark females.

Contrary to popular belief, dark women can ben’t invincible. Our company isn’t invincible. We’ren’t invincible. We are really not invincible. You may have a much better time comprehending things while they are duplicated. All of us have comprehend our death. We no choice. We realize that people cannot depend for everything. That we should be disregarded rapidly if we tend to be remembered anyway. We have been the front row of everybody’s battles in order to live as remembered. Regardless of if nobody is in the front line of ours.

Should you very little else while you’re watching me get rid of my entire life, make sure that all of me personally is mentioned. It’ll be simple for people to rally around my femininity, my blackness and my personal motherhood. I do not want effortless. I want wholeness.

Once the finally of me is fully gone, i really hope become enjoying parades of dark Lesbians keeping myself inside their hearts. Screaming they watched me personally. Shouting for everyone otherwise to today see them. Each may have a little tree… somewhat existence provide to everyone that is already been using theirs from their website.